Somebody Please Tell Instagram: This Is Not A Cult

The Toxic Posturing of Sober Social Media (5 min read)

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Why Anti-Alcohol Rhetoric Misses the Mark

I made the mistake of opening Instagram this morning and was instantly reminded why I rarely do so. Apparently, if you haven’t sworn off alcohol entirely, you don’t belong.

The sheer volume of anti-alcohol rhetoric was simply overwhelming.

And believe me, I get it. A life less intoxicated is a glorious thing. But there comes a point at which the message seems to have changed from “This is a great way for me to live,” to “You’re all wrong and I’m right.”

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There just doesn’t seem to be any space for people who are looking to drink less without having already committed to quitting altogether.

The language (“evil”, “toxic”, “poison”), the judgment and the inflexibility are all the reasons why I decided to start writing and recording for this platform in the first place, and today’s perusal just confirmed that.

If you’re trying to change your relationship with alcohol but haven’t sworn off it forever, you deserve to explore that without fear of judgment or ridicule if you make different choices at times.

Or risk of being rejected for recognising that life isn’t black and white, like when another podcast rescinded my invitation the moment they realised I’d rebranded from Low No Drinker to Mindful Drinking & Moderation in Midlife, even though my messaging had in no way changed.

Read it here: Rejected (For All the Right Reasons) – When Moderation Gets You Uninvited.

Check Your Posturing at the Door

Why do we insist on talking about alcohol like it’s a moral test you either pass or fail?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand and appreciate that for some, removing alcohol from their life had to be done in its entirety and that for them, the middle ground or moderation are just not options they can safely consider.

To those people, I say a genuine and heartfelt “Well bloody done!” I salute you for your ability to recognise and act in a way that makes meaningful (sometimes life-saving) changes.

My question (or perhaps my quest) has always been, how do we help people who want to cut back before it becomes a matter of life or death?

What about those for whom drinking less is a choice for the better, not a necessity for continued existence?

And I can’t help but think, as I did before I launched the Magazine and the Podcast, where is the help for those people? My people?

Where is the balanced look at a lifestyle that lets you choose?

How do we talk to people who haven’t “become powerless over alcohol” (not my words, and don’t get me started!!) in a way that lets them feel comfortable exploring this world without being constantly on edge that the next post, the next comment, is going to make them feel awful for choosing a glass of actual wine on a Friday night instead of alcohol-free?

“Failure”, “Poison”, “I feel sorry for...”

This is all language made to empower the poster not to support the reader, and that kind of self-serving posturing does nothing but build yet another ‘us’ & ‘them’ divide. When, instead, we should be bringing people together to recognise that we can all drink differently at the same table.

A Stubborn Response to Judgement

No one likes being told what to do. From my kids to my mother, it’s nearly impossible to get anyone to just do as they’re told (I keep telling my mother that I know best, but she vehemently disagrees). But some of us hate it more than most.

I’m stubborn. Always have been and always will be. And like many a stubborn know-it-all 20- or 30-something, my response to anyone telling me that I was flat-out wrong for the choices I made in my life, and that their way was the only way, was to dig my heels in and double down on my indulgence of choice.

Wise? Not really. But very real.

I wonder how many other people out there, stubborn or otherwise, are turned off to the act of drinking less because of the narrative that comes with it?

How many people want to be able to proudly say that they are skipping the booze tonight, but are too worried about being labelled as part of the pious bandwagon, because it’s either all or nothing?

You’re either an evangelical, born-again, drum-banging teetotaller, or you’re a wild and reckless substance-abusing ingrate.

This false dichotomy doesn’t reflect reality.

Middle for diddle

There is a middle ground. There is a life of moderation and temperance that doesn’t have to be the first step on the road to abstinence.

That is the message that needs to be shared.

Everyone should be welcome to drink at our table, no matter their consumption choices.

I fear that those in the staunchly alcohol-free camp risk doing more damage to their own movement than ‘big alcohol’ ever could.

By demonising, berating and belittling those who don’t quite see things their way, are they not just pushing more and more people away from what could potentially be a life-changing path for them?

The stigma of drinking less is thankfully eroding, but let’s not replace that with the stigma of still drinking at all. That message serves no one and changes nothing.

Instead, can the message be inclusive? Can we express joy and gratitude at what alcohol-free living gives us when we choose it, whilst acknowledging that for others, drinking will sometimes mean high-proof drinks that taste the way they want them to?

We don’t have to be anti-alcohol to be pro-alcohol-free.

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