Why Bad Alcohol-Free Drinks Don't Worry Me
(4 min read)
A few months ago, I had my national radio debut on BBC Radio 1Xtra (yes, I'm still buzzing about it), and the very first question the talk radio DJ, Richie Brave, asked me was:
"Denise, not all alcohol-free drinks taste good, do they?"
The honest answer? No, absolutely not.
But just like not all full-strength wines are winners, not all beers are brilliant, not all teas are tolerable, and not even all pizzas are perfect, the same goes for alcohol-free options. And you know what? That's perfectly fine.
There are assumptions floating around about alcohol-free drinks that generally fall into one of three camps:
- a) Because it's alcohol-free, it's some sort of hippy-dippy, woo-woo health drink.
- b) It should be an identical replica of its alcoholic counterpart
- c) It's all just crap.
The truth is, none of these blanket statements is entirely correct, but they all contain elements of truth.
- Some are health-promoting, containing adaptogens, nootropics, and a wealth of other functional ingredients. Some, however, still have far too much sugar or artificial ingredients that you've likely never heard of before.
- Some drinks do try (with admittedly varying degrees of success) to replicate the full-strength beverages that you've come to know and love. Others, however, are bringing something completely novel and unique to the table.
- Some of them are crap. But some of them are out of this world amazing!
The Reality of a Booming Industry
The low, no, and light alcohol market is growing immensely, which is brilliant news.
But with that growth comes a surge of new brands jumping into the space. Some are here because they genuinely want to solve a problem they've experienced firsthand.
Others? Well, they see an opportunity and they're jumping on the bandwagon. (There's literally an alcohol-free range called Bandwagon, if that tells you anything about the current landscape.)
Some drinks are crafted with care, quality ingredients, and genuine love from founders who want to create something wonderful. Others feel like somebody has just grabbed some fruit juice and sugar and mixed it all together, put a shiny label on it and said, "There you go. I made a mocktail," and the rest of us are just supposed to accept, neigh, applaud it.
But name me one industry where that doesn't happen. It's just a shame that when those less-than-perfect drinks are sampled, they manage to tarnish the rest of the category with them.
So I take comfort in the fact that ultimately, it will be you who decides who gets to keep a piece of that alcohol-free drinks pie as you vote with your wallets for what's good enough to continue.
The beauty of free commerce is that no matter how much money "big alcohol" throws at advertising their wares, if you don't think it's good enough, you simply won't buy it.
Four Reasons Some Alcohol-Free Drinks Miss the Mark
1. They're Too Sweet.
The biggest complaint I hear is about drinks being too sugary. Some producers, particularly in the early days, tried to replace alcohol's distinctive mouthfeel with sugar. Alcohol coats the mouth and gives texture to drinks - without it, things can taste flat or watery. But thankfully, time has shown that sugar is not the replacement we all need or want. No melted lollipops for us, thanks. Grown-up drinks only!"
2. They Lack Balance
Without enough depth of flavour, complexity, or other ingredients that bring proper notes to the mouth, drinks can feel unbalanced. They end up being too sweet, too sour, or too bitter. We want drinks that are well-balanced, not lurching too far in any direction.
3. Artificial Flavours and Strange Aftertastes
When brands attempt to mimic natural flavours without genuine ingredients, using excessive synthetic elements, you get that plasticky sensation - when something just doesn't taste quite right and has an oddly synthetic quality.
4. Confusing Identity.
In a space where producers are still finding their feet, some brands come out of the gate with a slightly confusing identity, and when you don't know what you should be expecting from your drink, it can get in the way of your enjoyment experience.
"Is it an adult soft drink? Or is it a cocktail? Or is it a mocktail? When is it for? Are we supposed to be having this in the pub, or with a meal, or at a picnic?" This lack of clarity about what something is trying to achieve adds unnecessary confusion to an already widely misunderstood category.
The Innovation is Real (Even When It's Messy)
The good news is that there's real innovation happening, and it's happening fast.
With that comes trial and error, iteration, and improvement. On the Low No Drinker Podcast (where you can find the audio version of this post if you prefer to listen to my dulcet tones), I've spoken to founders who've taken the bold—and sometimes very costly—decision to go back to the drawing board after releasing their products.
Prefer to listen? Catch this episode of the Low No Drinker Podcast ep#87. The Uncomfortable Truth: 4 Reasons Some Alcohol-Free Drinks Fall Flat
Listen on Apple - Listen on Spotify
The founding team behind On Beer had to reformulate their functional, alcohol-free beer due to foaming issues. Billy Wright from Decem 10% Gin launched with three SKUs, realised it wasn't sustainable, closed down operations, and relaunched several months later with a single product. These are individuals who genuinely care and want to create something truly remarkable.
Quality Costs Money (And It’s Worth It)
These drinks aren't cheap to make. If you want drinks that don't use artificial sweeteners, aren't packed with E numbers or tons of sugar, and aren't just hiding a lack of flavour behind a wall of carbonation, then you need to support brands that are investing in research and development, teams of tasters, and time creating new recipes.
However, the more we buy it, the more they can produce, and the more those costs will eventually decrease. The category isn't doomed just because some drinks aren't fantastic - we're still figuring out what's good, what tastes great, and what we all like.
So What Makes a Good Alcohol-Free Drink?
This is subjective territory. My mate Dav, who you may also know as my Content Editor at Low No drinker Magazine, happily describes herself as having the palate of a six-year-old child because of her bizarre affinity for very sweet drinks - and she's a 45-year-old woman.
I, on the other hand, cannot abide overly sweet libations nor those that are too dry or bitter – every Negroni is a NOgroni for me!
And that's fine, because you've to go with what you like, and personal taste varies widely.
So I look for qualities in a drink rather than generic ingredients or drink types. I want balance, complexity, and the feeling of having something sophisticated in my glass. Others might want something light, refreshing, and easy-drinking. You might be looking for something rich and full of earthy and dark spice flavours.
My Advice: Start Searching
How much money have you spent on shots that you didn't want to have, on bottles of wine that you just didn't really fancy, on beers that you don't remember? We've spent small fortunes on full-alcohol drinks out of habit, so there's no reason we can't do the same with low and no alcohol drinks in the name of exploration - and have the added benefit of waking up afterwards without a hangover.
If you're concerned about spending money on trying different things, hit up online retailers like Wise Bartender* (you can get 10% off at both using my affiliate code LOWNODRINKERMAGAZINE, which supports this publication). They often have sample boxes or mystery boxes at about 50% off. Many brands are also now introducing miniatures and sample-size options.
You will find drinks you do like, and you will find drinks you don't like. That's just life. Some things you try will become your new favourites, and others you will prefer never to darken your fridge door again – it's all part of the journey.
Happy hunting!